The Fifth Element, Newport RI

509 Thames St.
Newport, RI

I was waiting on a friend with my boyfriend, and out of all the places we could see, this one screamed out at us as being the most crowded, and the most bumpin. There was no cover charge, but we WERE carded. Half of it is a club, half of it is a bar. (I assume it's different on non-Friday nights). We went there at around 10:30, in the middle of June, on a Friday night, and the place was packed. We got a seat at the bar somehow, and the place, though packed, was manuverable, and smelled INCREDIBLY clean. The decor was actually really suave. Waterfall walls, and a HUGE selection of liquor. Naturally, ESPN was on the two flatscreens, and BlackeyedBritanyRhiannaPerryGaga's songs were blaring from the colourfully lit dance floor, which was nicely seperated from the bar so you could make a decision whether or not to dance (not not whether or not to hear the slew of Top 40). I was a fan of Long Islands UNTIL I had one from this place. At first I thought, "Oh how chic, the name, the decor, the glasses, I think this place is a great afterparty" until I realized, we were probably the only people there who couldn't legally rent a car (due to age).
I'm not saying people there were ugly, in fact, they were all dressed relatively well (with the exception of some horribly themed ties), but if you're looking for a place that seems like it's made for a 20's crowd, it looks the part, but most DEFINITELY isn't. It seemed like everyone there was either too single to have children, or their children already left for college. It was one of those places where you could meet your second date from Match.com and feel confident about yourself. I felt extremely out of place. There were no hot bartenders, either. They were all at LEAST in their 30s and they were all men.
If you're in your late 20s or older, and feel a little more mature than getting shitfaced at some crazy as hell pub somewhere, then I couldn't recommend a BETTER place than The Fifth Element. If you're into dancing on a floor, but not watching people have virtual sex, (or feel like you have to be Julia Styles) then this is also the place for you.
Also, remember, I was bias because I went on a Friday night. I even said to my boyfriend that I bet this place is really great on a normal evening around dinner time. I wouldn't be opposed to going, just because of the atmosphere (you know, after work, to talk about world events and doctor appointments).
The price range was moderate, the atmosphere was pretty sweet, but if you're under 25 and or, aren't employed/apart of a committe/don't shop at Wholefoods, I would recommend NOT going there. I'm not saying older people shouldn't have their fountains of youth in which to bathe freely to Poker Face and I've Got a Feeling (except? what?)...and wear clothes that LOOK like they could be from Forvever 21 (but are really Lands End or Talbots), I'm just saying, if you're in your early 20s, looks of this place are frigging deceiving.
Ah well, at least we gave the bouncer who was carding people something to do.

Grade B.
Because I'm sure I'd love to go there 15 years from now.

Casey O'Conor's, Mansfield, MA

219 Main St.
Mansfield, MA.

Oh wow, is this an Irish pub? Oh. Huh. Wouldn't know.

So this is an obvious townie location. It has all of its themed nights, Thursday being kareoke night. If you're under 21 and looking for a bar to hang, this place doesn't card nor charge a cover(unless of course some random comedian shows up and does an act). When you tell the waitstaff to surprise you, they do a pretty lousy job. Probably the worst Cape Cod I've ever had in my life.
The dude who runs the kareoke night looks like Joe Pesci if Joe Pesci decided to retire to Boca Raton. You have your regulars, drunks who can barely sing, northerners trying to sound southern, girls who try to use their sweet supple voices for songs that shouldnt sound like that, and then you have people just having plain fun (with the occasional person who really rocks the shit out of everything). Just don't do Journey songs. Local kareoke God, Andy, whose voice sounds....EXACTLY. LIKE. STEVE PERRY'S takes the mic at least three times over the course of the night, and if you close your eyes, you're at the greatest Journey cover band concert of all time. It's only slightly obnoxious because everyone and their mother attempts to sing Don't Stop Believing (which I highly recommend you DONT do if you're a fan of the limelight because) he WILL come in for the assist. The only reason people don't complain so much is because HE SOUNDS. EXACTLY. LIKE. STEVE PERRY.
As a fan of Irish pubs, I'm not the BIGGEST fan of this place, because frankly, you wouldn't REALLY know it's an Irish Pub unless you try to make it one. The atmosphere is a little bland, sometimes they ignore whats happening on the televisions (last night, as I listened to Journey's Greatest Cover Band, I watched an infomercial for a girdle, which isn't what you want to see when you're slightly inhebriated..which, half the time, I can't even taste the liquor) but it's probably one of the hottest spots to go, once you make it your home.
You know, there's a difference between places that are great for townies, and then great for everyone else. I feel like this falls more under the former. But still, I'd keep going. It's not a terrible place. Maybe I'm spoiled by the ACTUAL Irish accents of bartenders in the city of Boston. But, even so. I'm an elitist snob.
Pricing is moderate, waitstaff isn't anything to die for, but the place IS clean. If you're in the area, I know for a fact, you're bored enough to go (had I known about it in high school, I definitely would have). Plus, there's a back ally behind the joint you can either cry or make out in when you're really drunk, and because you're in Mansfield, you know you're pretty safe.

Grade B-.
Sorry, Casey...I'm not forever yours....faithfully.
But as for the near future, yeah, maybe I'll keep coming.

Kyoto Japanese Restaurant, Mansfield MA

If you're into Sushi, you need to get into what used to be a Blockbuster, what now is THE GREATEST SUSHI PLACE IN THE SMALL, MINISCULE AREA OF NORTON/MANSFIELD.

This place has it all, atmosphere, great service, and an amazing selection of Sushi. Not only that, but they even get volentarily artsy with their plates.

What's even more excellent, is if you have a semi large group, they are known to give you sample plates on the house.
The scorpian bowls (as a fan) are excellent. Not too sweet, not too strong (tasting) but perfect if you want to get drunk on Capri Sun (if they could put booze in those little squeezable silver rectangles...that would be awesome).

I'm a fan of ambience, plesant and fast service, and people who know what they're doing. The sushi is prepared at the sushi bar which is visable. The price is a tad above the norm, but it's still not bad considering what you're paying for. Plus, the extra efforts to make art on the plate is one of the nicest touches I've ever seen a restaurant make.
That, and...you'd NEVER know it was once a Blockbuster. Weird.
Good job, Japan.

Grade A.

The Norton Singers Presents: Guys and Dolls

Where: Wheaton College, Norton MA

When I first went to see Guys and Dolls, my initial thought was "No show put on by a community theatre group is worth seeing for $25 dollars". We all know how community theatre works: it's cliquey, it's tacky, and it's typically just for sycophants whose dreams of spotlights cost them a hefty check, and are merely rewarded with applause from family or senior citizens on a field trip. In my life, I don't know which experiences were more gruesome; witnessing it, or being a part of it. But to be completely honest, The Norton Singers left me very pleasantly surprised, and hell-made me miss doing shows myself.

Guys and Dolls is that quintessential 50's musical, engaging to all ages, classic for its timeless humor and plot devices. The cast was comprised of actors young and old, which was nice and rendered more of a reality to the show (I'm sick of 18 year olds pretending to be 50). The show opened with three men who captivated me with their great ability to harmonize. The ensemble seemed really into it (not just kids who were bored, sitting around wishing they had bigger parts). The dancers were always smiling...let's cut to the chase here.

The Good: The entire tour of Havana was done so superbly well, I didn't want it to end. It was an epic montage of comical dancing, colourful costumes, vivaciousness, and good music, with snippets of tactful scene changes, simple prop use, and the occasional dialogue. It was rushed excitedly, as opposed to stressfully, and not once did it pause for changes; it didn't lose its flavour. It was a whirlwind of distraction, but it still served its purpose, elapsing time for us to believe that Sarah's love for Sky wasn't sheer inebriation.

The orchestra was wonderful. Nobody missed a beat, the conductor was professional, they were exciting, and engaged. It's musicians like these that make you realize how important having a good orchestra is for a show. They were absolutely incredible. No complaints. Perfect.

The four leads: Sarah Brown (Esme Sammons) was played with a modest maturity. Her innocent angst was displayed with clarity, and poise. She was the porcelain doll amongst the box of Barbies. Her weak attempts at strength and independence were admirable, and heartfelt. Sammons's voice wasn't as bold as the others', but it was beautiful (think Johanna versus Mrs. Lovett), rising high and sweetly like a bird learning to fly (except...more graceful). Her love interest, Sky Masterson (Kevin Mischley) had the attitude of a 1950's Mr. Big (Sex & the City) with the voice of an amateur Michael Buble. I fell in love with him, and I knew it was fictional. His charisma poured effortlessly like a sarcastic die rolling across a craps table, always landing in his favour. Nathan Detroit (Chris DiOrio) was that middle aged man still dealing with fears of commitment, and temptations, defeated by his need to succeed, and stunted by his desire to give his fiancee a luxurious life. The character was played with great conviction. It didn't call for emotional depth, just faulted simplicity. DiOrio played off of the characters' short comings so well, that you couldn't help but feel bad for him; his selfishness seemed sweetly intended and justified.

Miss Adelaide (Janet Ferreri) gets her own paragraph. I'm going to be honest, when I first saw her, I thought "She looks great...but she's older". Why would they cast an older woman for the part? Is she really going to have five kids? It looks fine, but it doesn't make sense for the plot.

Let me tell you, Janet Ferreri is so good, she could play frigging Juno. Her actions, her voice, and her charm were so vivifying and exceptional, I was on the edge of my seat every time she was on stage. She didn't need stage lighting to illuminate her presence. She gave it the whimsical zeal of Audrey Fulquard, with the psychotic emotional tenderness of Blanche Du Bois. Ferreri, in my opinion, stole the show. Amongst the younger dancers, my eyes were still on her. She made me feel like there was no gap between old and young, her talent stretched throughout the auditorium and covered us in a fog of laughter and captivation. Initially, it seemed like her character would be obnoxious, but whether she was the weakest, or just the most persuasive, her adorable stamina made you root for her the whole way through. Her performance took the tacky stigma out of community theatre.

The Mediocre: The fourth wall in the show was definitely broken, in some instances good, and in some instances, bad. The use of the space was tactful, and very well done. The characters storming down the aisles, or up on the risers, made the show happen all around us. It said a lot for the creativity of the director (Ted Mitchell) that not only could he use the whole space provided to him for the benefit of the audience, but also for the benefit of the settings (the stage just wouldn't have been as good of a sewage system as the risers were).

I don't agree with mixing the worlds of the characters, that being said, as pretty and funny as the opening girl was, I was not a fan of the choice made to have an actual character from the show (speaking role or not) making the initial "here are the exits, turn off your cell phones" announcements, or doing the raffle during intermission only to immediately be seen on stage in the same costume. It just wasn't an appropriate choice. This wasn't the show for anachronisms. There were not many of them, from what I could see, and I was thankful for that (though...Mischley's Brando impression wasn't half bad...and at least paid homage to the movie ).

When it came to the singing, everyone was great. The harmonizing was very well done, at times the music overpowered the singers, and frankly, maybe it was that factor, or not enough annunciation, but there were instances where I could not understand a THING they were singing about. But they sounded great. Blind me with shiny shit, I guess.

Other than some extremely annoying sound malfunctions in the sewer scene, the show was great, and not once was I really taken away from it (I'm so ADHD, that comment says a lot). I felt like pieces of the show dragged on, while others I wish went on longer (Why was the "Sit Down!" part cut so much?! General Cartwright [Michelle Yundt] was HYSTERICAL).

The costumes were gorgeous, and the make-up was very well done. Every girl looked beautiful, and every guy looked like a gangster. The lighting was applicable at every point (though some spotlight use seemed a little unnecessary), and every transition was smooth and nicely done.

I'd seen a show at Wheaton about ten years ago, where characters profusely smoked cigars onstage. Apparently, it bothered the audience so much, they banned cigar smoking. I wish they didn't. I would've liked to have seen Big Julie (Bill Yundt) finish off his implied toughness with a nice puff of that cigar (I mean, a guy like that wouldn't have a lighter that doesn't work). But that's nit picky, and neither here nor there.

The use of sex was also very tasteful. I thought it could have been a little more risque, but there were certain moments, and splashes of costumes that gave it just an ounce of zest while still maintaining a PG rating.

The point I'm making is, everybody onstage was into this show, and everybody seemed to be having an absolute blast entertaining us- and that in itself counted. Normally I would say that can be a sign of a passive director, but the fact that it went off without a hitch could say otherwise. The smiles and energy on all of the dancers, the rogue chaos of all the gangsters...they all blended together to make an ensemble that did not just stand behind the leads and take up space- but gave life to the entire show.

Every actor loved their character, and that's what makes a good production. They embraced the truth in the text, despite the lack of emotional depth that Guys and Dolls may render, but that's why it was good.

And you know what? It made the $25 a worthy investment.

It made me want to get back into theatre, or at the very least, see more shows put on by The Norton Singers.

Either way, Guys and Dolls, I'd be sorry if you missed it.

A

Lady Gaga's "Born this Way"

It's okay to be gay, beige, transgender, and in love with the disciple responsible for killing Jesus (bet those 30 pieces of silver are worth it now, aye, big guy?). In this album, Lady Gaga shows us that she most likely spent the past 2 decades in front of her mirror acting out film noir scenes, everyone can be who they want to be, and that she believes in God. (How are those last two able to fit in the same person?) At least she's smart: If you want to be internationally famous, learn multiple frigging languages.

It opens with "Marry the Night," a mediocre pop/industrial/glam-esque proclamation that she's going to marry the night (if you can marry whatever gender you want to, why not marry specific times of day?) It's slightly repetitive. It would be The Fame's equivalent of Dancing in the Dark.

"Born This Way" follows. She's exactly like Madonna blah blah...we've heard it all before. This song wasn't supposed to be that musically deep, it was mainly just to express in most obvious way that every different type of person that she could fit into a song is still awesome and God makes everyone perfect. Could use without the talking in the beginning (she only repeats it all later), and the incessant diphthongs in the end...but every diva needs her 5 minute song.

"Government Hooker" starts out like it's going to be some sort of an aria, but then it turns into some tacky techno striptease of how much of a whore she can be if you touch her. The song has more meaning than it sounds though. You just have to stop dancing and try to find it...and even I'm not that boring.

"Judas" IS NOT. AN OFFENSIVE. SONG. It's the result of someone who's at a spot in their life where they KNOW what's right, but are just...too addicted to what's wrong, and then one day, after Wikipediaing The Bible, put 2 and 2 together. The song is annoying at first, but incredibly catchy. Gaga uses all aspects of her voice here. She yelps, she pop sings, she belts, she talks, she makes a weird accent that forces us to google the lyrics...it's just great. And it's an epic dance song in itself. It combines biblical and cultural views, with just enough controversy and truth to be earbleedingly good. She even says it, people "Jesus is my virtue/and Judas is the demon I cling to". That's like me when I was 17 "Yeah, this guy will take care of me/I'm in love with the kid in jail"

"Americano" Who doesn't want to be Shirley Bassey? Obviously not Gaga. Because it opens like every fucking song that woman sang...(which still. isn't. a bad thing.) Then it goes into this Spanish account, but not before it remixes into the infectious one word chorus. If you're a Spanish speaker, you'll appreciate this song. Fuck you, "Bad Romance..." and your French...this song is about 50/50. It's still a song you can drive fast or dance to. Nothing really stupid about it, other than its pointlessness...but I mean, in the end, isn't that the same with every good pop song?

"Hair" It's like..."Born This Way" but...mainly just...talking about hair. So for all the gay stylists, this one really sinks in. I don't know...the music is obnoxiously THERE, and appealing to every adolescent at this time in music...but the lyrics, while they DO have meaning, in my opinion...suck. This is probably my least favourite song on the album.

"Scheiße," however, is my favourite song (right now). It, again, is one of those songs that explains that she wishes she was a stronger person...but she wants to be. With the intense music reverberations of "Vogue," this song is raunchy like "Vanity," but intense and feminine. It's this album's "Teeth." Also, she "doesn't speak German, but she can if you like" much like every other language she adds to her music. She takes the sauer out of sauerkraut.

"Bloody Mary" is a dark, low key obscure heavily religious song. It's nice in that you can actually understand what she's saying, but because of the lack of vocal range in the song...it gets old fast, despite being very initially captivating. Using heavy production tactics, there are interesting beats and effects throughout.

"Bad Kids" Once again, Gaga has to tell us that she's gonna be the way she is. And shock...it's a bad kid, baby. Taking all of the independent anthems, mixing them with all of the self-deprivating shit, it teaches you that you shouldn't be insecure if your heart is pure. Admitting you're the reason your parents aren't together anymore is bold. It has a sick metal guitar riff, but defeats it slightly with the constant pop beats. Then again, it being a pop album, the rock aspect not only adds to the theme of the song, but the variety on the album itself. Bad Kid...not a Half Bad Song.

"Highway Unicorn" It's as if she meant for you to speed heavily to this song. It's one of the better ones on the album. Special effects, yes...but it's heavy and industrial. It's dark, but it's still bold and it doesn't lie flat. It accelerates, and it breaks down very effectively indeed, but it never explodes the way I wish it would.

"You and I" It starts with a piano riff similar to Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There?" and then it becomes something more like a pop song meets a John Cougar Mellencamp song, with a jazzy "Again Again" type of vocality. It just keeps going. If you'd be caught dead at a Kenny Chesney concert, however, this will probably be the song you should skip ahead to. If Gaga is going to mix pop with EVERY genre, then this would be her country homage. Something about...Nebraska and Jesus Christ...Yeah.

"The Edge of Glory" shows us that Gaga knows how to use a basic synthesizer. If every song on this album tries to be different as far as genre, and sound mixing with pop...then this is the quintessential song to end on. It talks about being WITH someone, and it's absolutely 100% pop. It's got the dance beat every Gaga song has in the background, but her voice explodes, and she shows us that she's a diva for a reason. It has the musical maturity of where she should be by now, with the mystical satisfaction of a person who just won American Idol. It puts a smile on your face and a groove in your step. I don't care who you are.

I feel like this album definitely showed us that Gaga actually does TRY. Sometimes, we can't tell (Judas and Bad Romance have the same exact chord progression, and at times, I start singing the Oooohhhs from the latter by accident. Maybe she should switch to ahhhhhs). Some of the songs sound the same...but the message is clear, be yourself, you can be anything, believe in God.

Essentially...Spice Girls meets Charlotte Church meets....Aphrodite.

Lady Gaga isn't a person, she's an entity. She's the woman who sweeps the sky with colour (think Fantasia) to define the time of day. Her Biblical references are obvious, but never once do they try to persuade, or offend. I feel like anyone who believes in God would be thankful for this kind of advocation...but you know how Christians can be.

Would I listen to the whole thing straight through? Yes, it wouldn't be the worst accident in the world..but it wouldn't be on purpose. There are some songs that just sound like stock pile Gaga. It's her essence that makes her great. That, and the handful of epic songs she's produced. This album's got about...4 really different beats. But you can't compare Gaga songs to other Gaga songs and have it be fair. You have to compare them each to the rest of the pop world.

And even at her most mediocre, she's still better than the rest.

You go, Gaga.

A-